closets

I have some messy closets.

Even though I am somewhat of a ‘neat freak,’ the messy closets somehow bother me a lot less.

Perhaps because I do not have to see the mess.

I can close the door and ignore it.

I find that it is a little like that in my life.

I like the ‘me’ that people see to be a polished and clean.

Hide the bad. Shove it back behind a pretty closed door and hope that no one knows that the bad is there. Choose to ignore it.

It is a vicious trap.

Because, you see, I crave authenticity. I long for people to know the real me. I want to be real, to not hide behind perfectionism.

But there is fear.

There is always the fear of rejection. There is that lingering thought in the back of my mind, “What will they think of me?”

But truthfully, everyone has messes in their lives.

Everyone has a past.

Everyone has messed up.

Sometimes I wonder if I opened up my messy ‘closets’ and let people see inside, if somehow that could be freeing. I wonder if someone could see my messes and say, “Hey! I struggle with that too.” Or someone could look at me and say, “I’ve totally been there. Let me help you.”

If authenticity is what we truly crave, we need to open up and let people into the messiness of our lives. We need to stop pretending to be perfect, because we fool no one.

We all have messy closets.