lip gloss

**This is a post I wrote several years ago.  Still very true.**

As I was driving the other day, I looked into my rear-view mirror to see my four-year-old daughter sitting there, staring out the window. Her lips and chin were covered with sparkly lip gloss. She had her hair in two crooked pony tails. In her lap was a stuffed cat, and two necklaces were around her neck. She looked so beautiful! I could have looked at her for hours. I started to feel so humbled, so in awe. Why would God have chosen to entrust her to me? She is simply amazing, and I don’t deserve her.

This made me think of a conversation I had the other day with a good friend of mine who was talking about becoming a police officer. I remember him saying the words, “I am never going to be the same after this.” Those words ran through my head again and again. How true they are in my life! I will never be the same after hearing the first cry of my newborn son. I will never be the same person I was before.

I remember a time when I was selfish, cocky and a bit spoiled. I thought that the world revolved around me. That seems like a lifetime ago. Often I wish I could go back in time and try to talk some sense into myself. Although, would I even understand? I am such a different person now. (Surely I would not understand why I drive a minivan!) However, would I be able to even grasp the thought of loving a child so much that I cannot stop staring at him sleep? Would I comprehend the strength I would need to wait for five hours in a waiting room as my eight-month-old daughter was in surgery?

Now the moments I have learned to cherish are so simple. I remember the day my son learned to ride a bike and how proud I was when my five-year-old spelled the word “boat” “bote.” (It was spelled phonetically!) I love patiently lying beside my child simply because “she does not want to sleep alone.” The sound of my children singing makes me beam from ear to ear! I adore hearing my children read to me and tell me about Jesus. I live to wipe away tears and always make sure I’m holding two sets of little hands as I cross the street. I hear my children’s laughter ringing in my ears, the silly way they talk to each other, and want to hold them so tightly!

How can I begin to explain what being a mom is to me? It is loving too much, yet worrying you are not loving enough, doing enough, or will ever be enough for your child. It is feeling completely inadequate for the massive job of caring for your children, yet knowing God placed these children with you for a reason, and only you are able to do it. It is a job that is constantly discouraging yet completely rewarding at the same time. I never understood this until I was a mom.

…I will truly never be the same again.